The Tale of Charlia the Headless Tuna

Words and Tune by: Charlie Ipcar © 11/5/17

Inspired by a story in Boston Magazine by Hayley Glatter, November 2, 2017

Printable Version ~ PDF ~ MP3 Sample ~ Notes

Charlia, the Headless Tuna, photo from Boston Magazine

A man in the forest once asked of me,
"How many strawberries grow in the sea?"
I answered this fella, as I thought good,
"As many as red herrings grow in the wood."

Good friends gather round, and listen to me,
And I'll tell you a tale of a fish from the sea;
She was a great tuna, Charlia her name,
Her untidy demise brought her some fame;
After All Hallows Eve, or so good folks say,
She was hauled back to Gloucester early next day;
But the season had closed, what was Chummy to do?
Charlia discovered would raise a great hue.

His decision was swift, though somewhat bizarre,
He hitched up Charlia to his girlfriend's new car;
And on down Revere to a friend's house he sped,
Dragging that tuna, first removing her head;
Chummy's friend took one look, exclaimed, "No way!"
What could he do then but throw Charlia away?
So he dragged her to a woods and buried her there,
And, as Cod is my Co-Pilot, he then said a prayer.

But that's not the end to Chummy's grave sin,
For a fella had spied him, and then turned him in;
He called up the "Greenies" and told them to check,
The Pigeon Cove webcam down on the deck;
And so they nailed Chummy, locked him in jail,
Not even his girlfriend would put up his bail;
And Charlia's grave was found after a while;
She's now stored in a locker awaiting the trial.

Come all you bold fishermen, remember this song,
Abide by the season, you'll never go wrong;
Abide by the season and you'll never dread,
A night visit by Charlia without her head!

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Notes:

This ballad was inspired by a story in Boston Magazine by Hayley Glatter, November 2, 2017:

So he (the one who caught the tuna) went out of Pigeon Cove after the Tuna season ended and caught that fish. Apparently someone at Pigeon Cove saw him going out and knew him and why he was going and called the Greenies and dropped a dime. He comes back with the fish, waits till night time, takes his girlfriend's brand new car and goes back to the boat, pulls off the fish, ties it to the bumper of the car and drags it back to Lanesville. He called a buddy that processes Tuna because he thought he would be able to sell it to him and the dude told him, "No way!" So, he's stuck with a 400 pound headless tuna with road rash. What does he do? Drags it up to the woods off Reveere Street and buries it under a bunch of leaves and sticks banking on it so the coyotes and animals can't eat it. The dime dropper tells the Greenies about the webcam at Pigeon Cove and they pull the tapes. Sure enough, there he is and his ill-gotten Tuna. Oh, and he doesn't have a driver's license either.

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